Christmas can often be a difficult time if you are mourning the loss of a loved one.
Whether the bereavement is recent or after many years, the festive period can be emotional and stressful. The thought of celebration and festivities may feel very far from your heart and mind.
Louise Tilney, Prospect Hospice’s bereavement care coordinator, said: “If you’re mourning the loss of someone special, you may feel isolated and that you do not want to join in with parties and meals.
“It can be a challenging time as you want to share it with those close to you but know someone is missing and you may feel like you’re bringing the mood down and so want to separate yourself away so you don’t make others feel bad.
“Christmas is traditionally a national holiday that may or may not be a religious festival for you. But for many, regardless of whether you have a particular faith or none, Christmas is often associated with festive cheer, family gatherings, the sharing of food and the giving and receiving of gifts.
“It’s a break in the year when we hope we will get to spend time with those we care about. Traditions, that for many of us, are rooted in childhood with all the attached memories and associations.”
Louise offers ideas to help you navigate the Christmas period:
*Be gentle with yourself.
*Do as much or as little as you feel able. Keep things simple.
*Talk to family or close friends.
*Have a couple of plans that give you options on the day itself and over the Christmas period.
*Be prepared to change traditions or create new ones.
*Allow others to help.
*Share stories and memories of the person who has died.
*Consider ways in which that person might be remembered e.g. the lighting of a candle, a special card on the mantelpiece or a memento on the tree.
*If you are with others, make sure that you allow time out for yourself.
*If you are alone, make sure that you have explored means of staying in contact with family/friends.
For many people, Louise said, Christmas can be difficult at the best of times and managing your own and other’s hopes and expectations can feel a large responsibility.
She also said children who are grieving may at the same time be looking forward with hope and anticipation to the sparkle of Christmas time.
“Children often want and expect Christmas to look and feel the same as usual. Familiarity and routine can often bring comfort to the child but can feel out of place and painful to the adults,” she said.
“Invite them to share their thoughts, feelings and memories and to know that it is ok to talk about the person who has died if they wish to do so.
“Give yourself and them permission to both cry and to laugh. Finding some brightness in the darkest of times is an important part of our grieving.
“Often, we feel we have to be strong for the sake of the children and others around us. Remember, sometimes we can and sometimes we can’t and that is ok. Be kind to yourself. These are difficult times, but you will get through. Don’t try and manage all yourself. Consider accepting offers of both practical and emotional help.”
Louise acknowledged that Christmas can feel a lonely time for someone who is bereaved, even when they have close family and friends around, and sometimes it can feel helpful to talk to someone other than family and friends.
If your loved one was cared for by Prospect Hospice and you would like to enquire about bereavement support call them on 01793 816124 (Monday to Friday 9am-5pm).
You can watch the charity’s annual Light up a Life service where loved ones are remembered here www.prospect-hospice.net/lightupalife
Here are details of other organisations you may wish to contact;
Cruse Bereavement Care
Tel: 0808 808 1677
Child Bereavement UK
https://www.childbereavementuk.org/
Tel: 0800 028 8840
Samaritans (for anyone at any time and for any reason)
Tel: 116123
Silverline (provides information, friendship and advice for older people) https://www.thesilverline.org.uk/
Tel: 0800 470 8090
