Whilst we are sure there will the old classics read out around the Swindon dinner tables next week, TV channel Gold have revealed the UK’s favourite modern Christmas cracker jokes for 2019.
Gerald Casey, Gold channel director, says, “The festive period is a time for reflection on the year, and although we’ve certainly had our ups and downs, it’s incredible to see that British wit remains as sharp as ever.”
The TV channel asked people to tweet their best original jokes which were then judged by a panel of 2,000 people.
Comedy critic Bruce Dessau, who led the Gold judging panel, says, “Amongst the political turmoil that seems to have swamped our country this year, we can always rely on British humour to pull us through.
“With subjects ranging from Brexit and Love Island, to Greta Thunberg and Coleen Rooney, there are jokes here to tickle even the biggest of scrooges.”
The author of the winning joke, Matt King, a teacher from Wokingham, picked up £1,500 and a box of Gold Christmas Crackers, one of which will contain his own gag.
1. Why does Donald Trump have his Christmas dinner on a plastic plate? He doesn’t get on with china.
2. Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem? It takes a miracle to find three wise men there.
3. Christmas dinner is a lot like Brexit. Half the family were told they needed to make room for Turkey, so opted to leave Brussels.
4. Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys? Carbon footprints.
5. What is Coleen Rooney’s favourite game to play over the festive period? Guess Who.
6. Why doesn’t Jeremy Corbyn ever visit Santa? Because he struggles in the poles.
7. Why is Greta Thunberg boycotting parsnips and carrots at Christmas? Because she’s a swede dish campaigner.
8. What’s the difference between Rudolph’s nose and David Cameron’s autobiography? Only one will be red at Christmas.
9. What do you call a snowman who goes on Love Island? A melt.
10. What is Olivia Colman’s favourite part of a turkey? The Crown.
